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#seinfeld

JERRY:  So what do you want for breakfast?JASON:  Ham.  Eggs.  Whatever.JERRY:  "Ham eggs whatever?"  JASON:  Yeah. What about it?JERRY:  Jason, this is New York City.  Manhattan.  We could go anywhere and eat anything and you want “ham eggs whatever”?JASON:  I’m not a food snob, Jerry!JERRY:  Not with that red jacket you’re not.JASON:  I’m hungry, okay?  Let’s go to a diner.  How about Tom’s?JERRY:  Tom’s?  (Dismissive.)  Too obvious.JASON:  Jerry, I’m hungry.JERRY:  Yeah, I know.  Ham eggs whatever.JASON:  Yes.  Ham.  Eggs.  Whatever.  Stuff my mouth.  Need to stuff.  My Mouth.JERRY (surrender mode):  Oh okay, fine.  Tom’s it is.JASON:  Oh good.  Their orange juice is fresh squeezed, you know.JERRY:  No, George.  No one is actually doing that.  No one is actually in the kitchen inside Tom’s in Manhattan freshly squeezing oranges for you.JASON:  Did you just call me “George”?  (Flustered.)   And… and… you’re a professional buzzkill, you know that?JERRY:  Are you really going to wear that?JASON:  What?JERRY:  The puffy red jacket… the loose-fitting jeans… You look like you’re dressed in a 90’s sitcom.JASON:  I’m comfortable.JERRY:  All right, Mr. ham eggs whatever.  Where do you want to go afterward?JASON:  I need a lift to the airport.JERRY (explodes):  I’M NOT DRIVING YOU TO THE AIRPORT!!!
(Photo of Jason Alexander and Jerry Seinfeld walking by — or going to? — Tom’s Restaurant, which stood in for “Monk’s” in the hit show Seinfeld, in Manhattan on Monday by Ali Phil / Twitter via Mashable)

JERRY:  So what do you want for breakfast?
JASON:  Ham.  Eggs.  Whatever.
JERRY:  "Ham eggs whatever?"  
JASON:  Yeah. What about it?
JERRY:  Jason, this is New York City.  Manhattan.  We could go anywhere and eat anything and you want “ham eggs whatever”?
JASON:  I’m not a food snob, Jerry!
JERRY:  Not with that red jacket you’re not.
JASON:  I’m hungry, okay?  Let’s go to a diner.  How about Tom’s?
JERRY:  Tom’s?  (Dismissive.)  Too obvious.
JASON:  Jerry, I’m hungry.
JERRY:  Yeah, I know.  Ham eggs whatever.
JASON:  Yes.  Ham.  Eggs.  Whatever.  Stuff my mouth.  Need to stuff.  My Mouth.
JERRY (surrender mode):  Oh okay, fine.  Tom’s it is.
JASON:  Oh good.  Their orange juice is fresh squeezed, you know.
JERRY:  No, George.  No one is actually doing that.  No one is actually in the kitchen inside Tom’s in Manhattan freshly squeezing oranges for you.
JASON:  Did you just call me “George”?  (Flustered.)   And… and… you’re a professional buzzkill, you know that?
JERRY:  Are you really going to wear that?
JASON:  What?
JERRY:  The puffy red jacket… the loose-fitting jeans… You look like you’re dressed in a 90’s sitcom.
JASON:  I’m comfortable.
JERRY:  All right, Mr. ham eggs whatever.  Where do you want to go afterward?
JASON:  I need a lift to the airport.
JERRY (explodes):  I’M NOT DRIVING YOU TO THE AIRPORT!!!

(Photo of Jason Alexander and Jerry Seinfeld walking by — or going to? — Tom’s Restaurant, which stood in for “Monk’s” in the hit show Seinfeld, in Manhattan on Monday by Ali Phil / Twitter via Mashable)

"Les Miserableseinfeld."

  • JERRY: You are a thief!
  • NEWMAN: I stole a loaf of bread. A marble rye!
  • JERRY: You robbed a house!
  • NEWMAN: I broke a windowpane! My sister's child was close to death, and we were starving, Jerry!
  • JERRY: You'll starve again unless you learn the meaning of the law.
  • NEWMAN: I know the meaning of those 19 years. (Turns.) A slave... of the law. (Exits apartment.)
  • JERRY (seething, then with clenched fist): Newman!
Curious story placement on the New York Times website today, with Jerry Seinfeld talking about nothing — and the paper using a perhaps poorly-timed, hyperbolic hed — amidst all of that something.

Curious story placement on the New York Times website today, with Jerry Seinfeld talking about nothing — and the paper using a perhaps poorly-timed, hyperbolic hed — amidst all of that something.

THE CONDO BOARD PRESIDENT OF DEL BOCA VISTA   President Barack Obama greeted residents as he arrived for a campaign event Tuesday in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla. (Photo: Carolyn Kaster / AP via the Wall Street Journal)

THE CONDO BOARD PRESIDENT OF DEL BOCA VISTA   President Barack Obama greeted residents as he arrived for a campaign event Tuesday in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla. (Photo: Carolyn Kaster / AP via the Wall Street Journal)

New York Magazine's List of Other "Seinfeld" Quotes That Apply to Mitt Romney: »

  • George Costanza: “I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham!”
  • Jerry Seinfeld: “You’re going to really see me being a phony, now. I hope you can take this. Maybe you should go in the other room.” 
  • Jerry Seinfeld: “If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”
  • George Costanza: “We’re just trying to come up with the best possible lie. That’s what this is all about.”
  • Jerry Seinfeld: “I think I’m pretty much like you, only successful.”
  • Morty Seinfeld: “I’ll tell you what I’m looking at: the next condo president of Del Boca Vista, Phase Three.”
[ELAINE enters JERRY’s apartment, exasperated.]
JERRY: Oh, hey Elaine.ELAINE: Jer, I need to borrow $20.JERRY:  $20?ELAINE: I need groceries.  I’m short this week.JERRY [snarky]:  You’re short every week.ELAINE [annoyed]: Are you gonna lend it to me or not?JERRY:  I dunno, Lanie.  I’m not an ATM.ELAINE: Fine.  Then I’m raiding your fridge.JERRY:  Whatever, Kramer.ELAINE [whining]: Just lend me $20!JERRY:  Fine.  [Takes out wallet, removes $20.]  Here.ELAINE: Thank you.JERRY [inquisitive]:  So… what are you going to buy with my… $20?ELAINE: What, you want a list?JERRY:  I think I deserve a list.ELAINE [aggressive]: You really want a list?JERRY: Yes.ELAINE [shoving JERRY]: Here’s your list, you big hipster DOOFUS!
(Photo of two bears playing at the Daehlhoelzli Zoo in Bern, Switzerland by EPA via the Telegraph)

[ELAINE enters JERRY’s apartment, exasperated.]

JERRY: Oh, hey Elaine.
ELAINE: Jer, I need to borrow $20.
JERRY: $20?
ELAINE: I need groceries.  I’m short this week.
JERRY [snarky]: You’re short every week.
ELAINE [annoyed]: Are you gonna lend it to me or not?
JERRY: I dunno, Lanie. I’m not an ATM.
ELAINE: Fine. Then I’m raiding your fridge.
JERRY: Whatever, Kramer.
ELAINE [whining]: Just lend me $20!
JERRY: Fine. [Takes out wallet, removes $20.] Here.
ELAINE: Thank you.
JERRY [inquisitive]: So… what are you going to buy with my… $20?
ELAINE: What, you want a list?
JERRY: I think I deserve a list.
ELAINE [aggressive]: You really want a list?
JERRY: Yes.
ELAINE [shoving JERRY]: Here’s your list, you big hipster DOOFUS!

(Photo of two bears playing at the Daehlhoelzli Zoo in Bern, Switzerland by EPA via the Telegraph)