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"Les Miserableseinfeld."

  • JERRY:

    You are a thief!

  • NEWMAN:

    I stole a loaf of bread. A marble rye!

  • JERRY:

    You robbed a house!

  • NEWMAN:

    I broke a windowpane! My sister's child was close to death, and we were starving, Jerry!

  • JERRY:

    You'll starve again unless you learn the meaning of the law.

  • NEWMAN:

    I know the meaning of those 19 years. (Turns.) A slave... of the law. (Exits apartment.)

  • JERRY (seething, then with clenched fist):

    Newman!

New York Magazine's List of Other "Seinfeld" Quotes That Apply to Mitt Romney:

  • George Costanza: “I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham!”
  • Jerry Seinfeld: “You’re going to really see me being a phony, now. I hope you can take this. Maybe you should go in the other room.” 
  • Jerry Seinfeld: “If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”
  • George Costanza: “We’re just trying to come up with the best possible lie. That’s what this is all about.”
  • Jerry Seinfeld: “I think I’m pretty much like you, only successful.”
  • Morty Seinfeld: “I’ll tell you what I’m looking at: the next condo president of Del Boca Vista, Phase Three.”

[ELAINE enters JERRY’s apartment, exasperated.] JERRY: Oh, hey Elaine.ELAINE: Jer, I need to borrow $20.JERRY: $20?ELAINE: I need groceries.  I’m short this week.JERRY [snarky]: You’re short every week.ELAINE [annoyed]: Are you gonna lend it to me or not?JERRY: I dunno, Lanie. I’m not an ATM.ELAINE: Fine. Then I’m raiding your fridge.JERRY: Whatever, Kramer.ELAINE [whining]: Just lend me $20!JERRY: Fine. [Takes out wallet, removes $20.] Here.ELAINE: Thank you.JERRY [inquisitive]: So… what are you going to buy with my… $20?ELAINE: What, you want a list?JERRY: I think I deserve a list.ELAINE [aggressive]: You really want a list?JERRY: Yes.ELAINE [shoving JERRY]: Here’s your list, you big hipster DOOFUS! (Photo of two bears playing at the Daehlhoelzli Zoo in Bern, Switzerland by EPA via the Telegraph)
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[ELAINE enters JERRY’s apartment, exasperated.]

JERRY: Oh, hey Elaine.
ELAINE: Jer, I need to borrow $20.
JERRY: $20?
ELAINE: I need groceries.  I’m short this week.
JERRY [snarky]: You’re short every week.
ELAINE [annoyed]: Are you gonna lend it to me or not?
JERRY: I dunno, Lanie. I’m not an ATM.
ELAINE: Fine. Then I’m raiding your fridge.
JERRY: Whatever, Kramer.
ELAINE [whining]: Just lend me $20!
JERRY: Fine. [Takes out wallet, removes $20.] Here.
ELAINE: Thank you.
JERRY [inquisitive]: So… what are you going to buy with my… $20?
ELAINE: What, you want a list?
JERRY: I think I deserve a list.
ELAINE [aggressive]: You really want a list?
JERRY: Yes.
ELAINE [shoving JERRY]: Here’s your list, you big hipster DOOFUS!

(Photo of two bears playing at the Daehlhoelzli Zoo in Bern, Switzerland by EPA via the Telegraph)

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