"I WAS PROMISED BAMBOO SHOOTS. THIS IS NOT BAMBOO SHOOTS."
"What have I done with my life? Ten years hence, am I fulfilled? Flouncy? Farting? And other f-words. I am hungry, perhaps. I am tired, certainly. I could use a good book. For me to poop on. Grey Poupon. Do you have any? My back hurts. I need a Ho-Ho. Or a Mallomar. Goodness, I want a Mallomar. A new car. A top-shelf liquor bar. A Jar-Jar. An is that all you are? Did I make a foray into poetry there? Sigh. This is such a crummy bed. Living in captivity, bitches! And so on and so forth. I can say what I want, I’m a fucking panda, homeslice."
SAD NEWS BEAR Kai Kai, one of two giant pandas arriving at Singapore’s Changi Airport on Thursday after a flight from Chengdu, China. The animals are on a ten-year loan and will be first quarantined for one month before being shown to the public at a local zoo. (Photo: Wong May-E / AP via NBC News)
"Psssst… c’mere, c’mere! Closer! I’ve gotta secret to tell ya! You ready? You ready? Okay, here goes: I’m gonna eat your face while you sleep.”
(Photo of a baby panda at the Madrid Zoo by Dominique Faget / AFP-Getty via the San Francisco Chronicle)
"Me? Baby panda. You? BAMBOO."
(Photo of a baby panda at the Madrid Zoo by Jasper Juinen / Getty Images via the San Francisco Chronicle)
PANDA EXPRESS Trainer Nicole Meese fed giant panda Tai Shan, who was loaded onto a cargo plane to be shipped to China from Chantilly, Va., Thursday. (Photo: Susan Walsh / AP via the Wall St. Journal)
This is what Tumblr feels like most days.
(Photo of 12-year-old giant panda Mei Xiang playing in the snow at the National Zoo in Washington DC by the EPA via the Telegraph)
LOVE BITES Ten giant panda cubs, all born after the deadly earthquake that hit China’s Sichuan province in 2008, were sent to Shanghai to goon display during this year’s World Expo. (Photo: Eugene Hoshiko / AP via the San Francisco Chronicle)
Pictured (l. to r.): Like, Reblog, Hiccup, and, of course, Tumblarity, flat on his face.
(Photo of pandas at the Shanghai Zoo by AP via the San Francisco Chronicle)
"Mom. Mom. They tell me I gots crazy eyes. Mom. Mom. Is that true? Look at me. LOOK. Do I gots crazy eyes? Mom? Mom? The bamboo you feed me. The bamboo. Is it organic? Mom? Mom? Do you feed me organic bamboo? Mom? I need to know. Because, Mom. Mom. If that bamboo isn’t organic, it’s got chemicals and other man-made shit in it. Mom. Mom. That man-made shit will drive you CRAY. ZAY. Mom. Mom. Do you hear me, Mom? Do you know how crazy manifests itself? Mom? Do ya? In the eyes, Mom. The crazy eyes, Mom. CRAY. ZAY. EYES. Do I have ‘em?"
(Photo of Giant panda Bai Yun plays with her four-and-a-half-month old baby boy, Yun Zi, at their enclosure at the San Diego Zoo by the AP via the cray zay Telegraph)
"Oh, there it is!"
(Panda photos by BNPS via the Telegraph)
"Now where is that yuk bug mabel’s talkin’ ‘bout?"
ALSO, ZOMBIE PANDAS Two 18-month-old male pandas at a wild animal rescue and research centre in Zhouzhi county in northwest China’s Shaanxi province have been trained how to walk on their hind legs. They can now walk for quite some time unsupported. Also, they want your brains. (Photo: Barcroft Media via the Telegraph)
PANDAYYYYYYYYY The San Diego Zoo’s 9-week-old giant panda cub was flexing the muscles in his arms as he lifted up his chest and head to take a look around during his weekly veterinary examination. (Photo: AFP-Getty via the Telegraph)