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#lance armstrong

Excerpt from Oprah's interview with Lance Armstrong.

  • OPRAH: Let's start with, well, what's your favorite candy?
  • LANCE: Kit Kat.
  • OPRAH: Kit Kat? Really?
  • LANCE: No. It's Butterfinger.
  • OPRAH: You're sure?
  • LANCE: Yes. Yes. I'm sorry I said Kit Kat.
  • OPRAH: You said it was Kit Kat when I interviewed you, oh, I don't know, five years ago?
  • LANCE: Yes. I told people I liked Kit Kat for seven years in a row at one point.
  • OPRAH: Seven years.
  • LANCE: Yes. When I was wearing yellow jerseys in France. People kept insisting I didn't like Kit Kat. And I kept saying I liked Kit Kat. I was like, I enjoy Kit Kat, all that chocolate and wafers and shit, and the God-damned fucking jingle, motherfuck that fucking piece of shit jingle. The French didn't believe it for a fucking second. So I was like, "royale with cheese, motherfuckers, I like Kit Kat!" And they told me to eat merde and shit. Fuck. I can say all this on your show, right?
  • OPRAH: No one's fucking watching anyway. We're on like channel 31,429 or something like that.
  • LANCE: Okay, good. I also said I liked Kit Kat at the 2000 Olympics.
  • OPRAH: In fact, you liked Butterfinger --
  • LANCE: Yes.
  • OPRAH: -- during the 2000 Olympics.
  • LANCE: Yes.
  • OPRAH: Is your last name even "Armstrong"?
  • LANCE: Yes.
  • OPRAH: Really?
  • LANCE: No.
  • OPRAH: No. It's not Armstrong.
  • LANCE: No. It's "Bass."
  • OPRAH: Lance... Bass?
  • LANCE: Yes.
  • OPRAH: Your name is Lance Bass.
  • LANCE: And I like Butterfingers, yes.
  • OPRAH: Motherfucker.
  • LANCE: Yes. Motherfucker.

LOLance Armstrong.

So we’re supposed to believe that Lance Armstrong was choosing — choosing — to give up fighting doping charges because he thought his seven Tour de Frances, his 2000 Olympics bronze medal and all that sweeeeeeeeet prize cash wasn’t worth the fight?

Riiiiight.

NY TIMES: "After more than a decade of outrunning accusations that he had doped during his celebrated cycling career, Lance Armstrong, one of the best-known and accomplished athletes in recent history, surrendered on Thursday, etching a dark mark on his legacy by ending his fight against charges that he used performance-enhancing drugs. Armstrong, who won the Tour de France an unprecedented seven straight times, said Thursday that he would not continue to fight the charges levied against him by the United States Anti-Doping Agency, which contended that he doped and was one of the ringleaders of systematic doping on his Tour-winning teams. ...His decision means he will be stripped of his seven Tour titles, the bronze medal he won at the 2000 Olympics and all other titles, awards and money he won from August 1998 on. It also means he will be barred for life from competing, coaching or having any official role with any Olympic sport or other sport that follows the World Anti-Doping Code." »

What a fucking dope.

Federal prosecutors said Friday that they had closed their investigation of Lance Armstrong without charging him, nearly two years after they began looking into allegations that he and his cycling teammates committed a variety of possible crimes by doping.

The possible crimes being investigated included the defrauding of the government, drug trafficking, money laundering and conspiracy involving Armstrong and other top cyclists. In particular, the authorities were exploring whether money from the United States Postal Service, the primary team sponsor for the first four of Armstrong’s Tour de France wins, was used to buy performance-enhancing drugs.

André Birotte Jr., the United States attorney for the Central District of California, announced the end of the investigation, which involved several federal agencies, in a brief statement. He did not cite a reason for the decision and declined to comment further.

“The United States Attorney determined that a public announcement concerning the closing of the investigation was warranted by numerous reports about the investigation in media outlets around the world,” the statement said. A grand jury in Los Angeles had been convened as part of the investigation.

Armstrong, who won the Tour de France a record seven times, has always emphatically denied all accusations that he used illegal performance-enhancing drugs. But his first Tour de France win in 1999 followed the event’s largest doping scandal and ever since he has fought suspicions that his Tour titles were tainted by drug use. But he has never tested positive for any illegal substance. (At the 1999 Tour, he failed a test for a corticosteroid but produced a doctor’s note indicating that the drug had been used for therapeutic reasons.)

“I am gratified to learn that the U.S. Attorney’s Office is closing its investigation,” Armstrong said in a statement. “It is the right decision and I commend them for reaching it. I look forward to continuing my life as a father, a competitor, and an advocate in the fight against cancer without this distraction.”

The New York Times, “Inquiry on Lance Armstrong Ends Without Charges”