I am Joe Biden’s glass of water.
I went unsipped.
I longed to feel the veep’s lips upon my coalesced, contained, fluidic self.
Alas, the moment never came.
I now await my fate:
to be poured into a drain,
never having been Bidened.
I sigh, wetly
to be drunk
Morning News Read 1 November 2013.
- NAY-S-A: The leaders of Yahoo, Google, Facebook, Apple, Microsoft and and AOL have a simple message for the NSA’s extensive surveillance activities: take it down several notches. (WashPo)
- BACKWARDS COURTS: In Texas, an appellate court overturns a lower court decision that would’ve rolled back parts of the state’s restrictive abortion laws, while in New York a federal court has halted restrictions on the NYPD’s “stop-and-frisk” laws and removed the judge, Shira Sheindlin, from overseeing the case. Ugh. In caps. UGH. (NY Times)
- FIVE BILLION CUT: The nation’s food stamps program is cut by that amount today, thanks to Republicans who apparently never go hungry and never have needed a safety net to ensure their families’ well-being and health. (NBC News)
- GALL STREET: Meet the man who is holding Wall Street accountable by filing multi-billion-dollar lawsuits against the world’s biggest banks — a “onetime engineer who earned his law degree at night.” Superhero. (NY Times)
- Authorities have found a drug-smuggling tunnel between Tijuana and the U.S. complete with lighting and a “rail system.” (The Guardian)
- EWWWWW: A report looks the use of “gutter oil” to cook foods in China — oil that is made from waste and animal remains. (The Atlantic)
- JOE BYE-DEN? A new book says the Obama campaign team talked about replacing Joe Biden with Hillary Clinton on the 2012 ticket. (Chicago Sun-Times)
- BIG PAPI… E.D.? This probably won’t be the first of many post-2013 World Series columns asking if David Ortiz — who batted over .700 in the Fall Classic — was juiced. Sad. (LA Times)
- Some dude drove from New York City to L.A. in under 29 hours, averaging 100 MPH. (USA Today)
- SAFETY: For the first time in NFL history, a football game that went into overtime ended with the quarterback being tackled in the opponent’s end zone - a safety. Final: Miami 22, Cincinnati 20. (CNN)
- And finally… LIKE FATHER… Here’s video of Republican Ted Cruz’s dad saying awful things about Barack Obama back in 2012, including the familiar Tea Party refrain of sending the President “back to Kenya.” Ted Cruz probably high-fived him afterward. (Time)
(Photo of Rafael Cruz, father of GOP Senator Ted Cruz, probably saying something ignorant, racist and vile by Michael Ainsworth / Dallas Morning News)
bringing it back for freedom day
I know which one I’d rather have in my hands
Bring me your tired, your poor, your big fucking deals.
New York City mayor Mike Bloomberg met with Vice president Joe Biden at City Hall on Thursday. Earlier, the two were joined by families of the victims from Sandy Hook Elementary School in calling for members of Congress to take further action on gun control. “All those who say we can’t ban assault weapons, for all those who say politics is too hard, how can they say that?” asked Biden, who added “Take a look at those 20 babies” killed in Newtown. (Photo: Howard Wolfson / City Hall via Twitter / New York Daily News; caption via Daily News)
NOPE FRANCIS Vice President Joe Biden enters to meet Italy’s President Giorgio Napolitano at the Quirinale in Rome on March 18. Biden is in Italy to attend the inaugural mass of newly-elected Pope Francis, which is to be held at the Vatican on Tuesday. (Photo: Tony Gentile / Reuters via NBC News)
Joe Biden, at the State of the Union.
Joe holds his glasses like the rest of us.
“No, I’m not running.”
U.S. vice president JOE BIDEN, when asked by a reporter to react to news of Pope Benedict resigning.
(Reporter Tara Murtha via The New York Times)