I hope Rick Santorum concedes Alabama.

I hope Rick Santorum makes Twitter buy Posterous.

I hope Rick Santorum remains in previews forever.

I hope Rick Santorum’s middle name is “Radical.”

I hope Rick Santorum tells his Android phone to call him “Rock God.”

I hope Rick Santorum opens a Tumblr and gives up on it a week later after posting only pictures of puppies, kittens, quotes from Ayn Rand and spoilers for the next episode of Pawn Stars, with the final straw an accidental reblog of something amusing he found on stfuconservatives.

I hope Rick Santorum finds Mitt Romney’s hair in his soup.

I hope Rick Santorum gets a show on the Fox News Channel called “Huckabee.”

I hope Rick Santorum finds out in late 2013 that a recount actually shows that he won Ohio.

I hope Rick Santorum buys an “iPad 3” and gets home and unwraps the plastic from the box and opens the box and goes through the five million steps of fancy Apple packaging only to discover that it wasn’t an iPad 3 he bought but rather a refurbished HP Touchpad.

I hope Rick Santorum lets the dogs out.

I hope Rick Santorum issues an uninformed, pithy critique of The Hunger Games in which he says the film’s producers “should stop with the fat jokes.”

I hope Rick Santorum hurts his thumb using a garlic press.

I hope Rick Santorum is driven mad by the myriad conspiracy theories around Andrew Breitbart’s death, especially the ones he posted to his MySpace account.