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#golden globes

Based on the headlines alone, you’d be excused for thinking that Sunday night’s Golden Globes ceremony was an unmitigated win for LGBTQ people. Behind the Candelabra and Dallas Buyers Club—two of the better films of 2013 that featured, though in thoroughly different keys, pretty good portrayals of queer characters—each received numerous nods and a handful of awards. It is undoubtedly a good thing when movies that address, in their own terms, serious issues like the AIDS crisis, the transgender experience, and the seductions of a particularly gaudy closet garner this kind of recognition—the discussions those films inspire provide an opportunity to transform art into political awareness. But, as we saw last night, the success of queer movies also provides an opportunity for tone-deaf straight actors to run their mouths.

Michael Douglas (Liberace in BTC) and Jared Leto (Rayon, a transgender woman, from DBC) are receiving some fair criticism today for their awkward and somewhat insensitive acceptance speeches. Douglas, in taking the award for Best Actor in a TV movie, recalled his reaction when director Steven Soderbergh first approached him about playing the piano man on the set of Traffic. “Being the paranoid actor that I was, I thought maybe I was mincing a little bit in the part that I was doing.”

Critics have thus far pointed to this “mincing” line as the more blatantly offensive of the two speeches, especially considering Douglas’ chuckling about tops and bottoms at last year’s Emmys. I’ll agree that such an old-fashioned descriptor for effeminate gay men sounds like a masculinity preservation maneuver, but reading over the whole sentence, I think it’s also possible that Douglas’ worry was focused more on his acting in Traffic than on the mortal peril of mincing in general. (Also, Liberace did, in fact, mince, and acknowledging that is not a crime.) Quibbling aside, though, the choice of words was unfortunate.

Worse to my mind was Jared Leto’s self-centered and juvenile acceptance of the prize for Best Supporting Actor. Picking up on one of the running jokes of the night, Leto began by noting that he did not wear any prosthetics in Dallas Buyers Club and that the “tiny little Brazilian bubble butt was all mine.” Iffy, considering the role he was being feted for, but not terrible—if only he had stopped there. “It was a very transformative role. I had to do a lot of things to prepare. One of the things I did was wax my entire body, including my eyebrows. I’m just fortunate it wasn’t a period piece so I didn’t have to do full Brazilian. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about; and so do some of you men, I think.” He then went on to welcome himself back into Hollywood prominence and to thank, in an afterthought, “the Rayons of the world” for inspiring him to get there.

… A more generous viewer might argue that awards speeches are heady, rushed events—linguistic precision and political thoughtfulness are surely a challenge in the midst of required thank-yous and a pushy orchestra. Fair enough. But watching these clips again and imagining how easy it would have been for Douglas and Leto to get it right, I’m beginning to feel like the privilege of playing a queer person in an era in which it increasingly affords prestige should come with a small burden: In the event that you get accolades for your professional “bravery,” make sure you have some basic notes prepared that won’t mock the very people of whom you’re supposedly a champion.

J. BRYAN LOWDER, writing in Slate, "Were Jared Leto’s and Michael Douglas’s Golden Globes Speeches Homophobic?"

  • While accepting his Best Director Golden Globe Alfonso Cuaron will float as if in zero gravity but his hair will not.

New rule:

  • If you’re accepting a lifetime achievement award on someone’s behalf your speech shouldn’t last an actual lifetime.
HEY NBC NOW THAT AMY POEHLER WON A GOLDEN GLOBE ON AN AWARD SHOW BRING BROADCAST BY NBC WHICH AMY FUCKING POEHLER IS HOSTING MAYBE YOU WILL STOP PRE-EMPTING ONE OF THE BEST GOD DAMNED SHOWS ON TELEVISION.

HEY NBC NOW THAT AMY POEHLER WON A GOLDEN GLOBE ON AN AWARD SHOW BRING BROADCAST BY NBC WHICH AMY FUCKING POEHLER IS HOSTING MAYBE YOU WILL STOP PRE-EMPTING ONE OF THE BEST GOD DAMNED SHOWS ON TELEVISION.

Behind the candelabra; in front of Hannah Horvath.

Behind the candelabra; in front of Hannah Horvath.

"Hello Ben old chap. How do you like them apples?"

"Hello Ben old chap. How do you like them apples?"

  • Tina Fey and Amy Poehler introducing Seth Meyers as a co-presenter for Best Actor in a Comedy Series — which Andy Samberg won — must’ve made Lorne Michaels a proud Saturday Night Live papa.

"In the interest of gender equality, here is Mr. Golden Globe, my son from a previous relationship, Randy.”

  • A GIF of Greta Gerwig doing a foreheadpalm should be the universal symbol for awwwwwwwwwwwwwww