"Look into my eyes. You will listen to everything I say. You will be inflexible. You will be homophobic. You will not care about driving America to the economic brink. You will be politically dickish and immune to any thought of compromise. You will define yourself of fiscally conservative, though not fiscally rational. You will demand that poor people do not get access to universal healthcare, and you will further vow to strike down any law that makes such an accommodation. You will convince people that they can pray the gay away — and take government funding in doing so. You will spew hatred and intolerance as a matter of course, and attack your President as if everything your party ever did to systematically destroy any sense of decorum in Washington had no part in it at all. You. Will. Elect. Me. President. So we can restore sanity to this nation! Like what’s reflected in my eternal gaze. Thanks, Michele."