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Today’s predictions:

  • The stock markets will close seven million points lower.
  • America will slide further into the economic abyss because it’s such an insolvent country that totally deserved a credit rating downgrade issued by three no-name fartfuckers who apparently just learned about a little thing called “politics” sometime last week and, like the student who wrote book reports based on the movie based on the book, wrote a book report on America’s creditworthiness based on the movie based on the book — written by Republicans.
  • The Red Sox will win the World Series.
  • The Phillies will win the World Series.