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“Oh hi everybody.  (Motions to audience.)  Settle down.  Settle down, please.  Thanks everyone for joining us here today in Royal Oaks!  (Audience boos.)  Oh wait, I’m sorry.  Royal Oak.  It’s the singular.  Of course!  Royal Oak.  Thanks for joining me in Royal Oak, Michigan, the greatest town in the world!  (Loud applause.)  Look at this giant American flag!  Made in China!  (Audience boos.)  Hey, don’t let Jon Huntsman hear you!  (Audience cheers.  Mitt switches topic.)  I like Royal Oak.  There’s the fine Royal Oak Diner on Main Street.  I go there for the grits.  (Laughs.)  And the bacon!  I love Canadian bacon.  (Audience boos again.)  Oh I’m sorry, I meant just ‘bacon.’  (Audience applauds.)  Now let me tell you a story about Michigan.  They build cars here, right?  And I once, (laughs nervously) told the New York Times to let Detroit go bankrupt!  (Audience boos.)  Yes, I know!  I’m such a lunkhead!  (Audience applauds.)  I’m a dolt!  (Audience applauds more.)  A COMPLETE FUCKING MORON!  (Audience goes into rapture.)  Yeah, thanks a lot.  Anyway, I’d like to introduce a surprise guest (audience ooohs and aaahhhs) — he’s pretty special!  He’s from Detroit!  He’s eccentric!  He’s rough around the edges, like my hair!  (Applause builds.)  You should listen to him — he is one cool dude!  Ladies and gentlemen of Royal Oaks, here is the Kid That Rocks!  (Audience falls silent.)  I said, here is the Kid That Rocks!  (Kid Rock approaches Mitt, shakes hand, whispers in his ear.)  Oh, I’m sorry.  That’s Kid Rock!  (Audience bursts into wild applause.)  Thanks for being here today, really.  (Doesn’t let go of Kid Rock’s hands.)  Hey, can you say a few bad things about Rick Santorum for me?  Like some really bad stuff, like call him a dickhead or something.  I could really use the help.  I can lend you my Cadillac if you want.  (Laughs nervously.)  Thanks in advance, and hey, what’s that song again where you mash up ‘Sweet Home Alabama’?  Can you play that, but just replace the word ‘Alabama’ with ‘Michigan’?  The audience would really love that.  (Audience boos.)  Oh, fuck.  Is my microphone on again?  Fuck.” (Photo of GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney welcoming Kid Rock to a rally in Royal Oak, MI via ABC News)
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“Oh hi everybody.  (Motions to audience.)  Settle down.  Settle down, please.  Thanks everyone for joining us here today in Royal Oaks!  (Audience boos.)  Oh wait, I’m sorry.  Royal Oak.  It’s the singular.  Of course!  Royal Oak.  Thanks for joining me in Royal Oak, Michigan, the greatest town in the world!  (Loud applause.)  Look at this giant American flag!  Made in China!  (Audience boos.)  Hey, don’t let Jon Huntsman hear you!  (Audience cheers.  Mitt switches topic.)  I like Royal Oak.  There’s the fine Royal Oak Diner on Main Street.  I go there for the grits.  (Laughs.)  And the bacon!  I love Canadian bacon.  (Audience boos again.)  Oh I’m sorry, I meant just ‘bacon.’  (Audience applauds.)  Now let me tell you a story about Michigan.  They build cars here, right?  And I once, (laughs nervously) told the New York Times to let Detroit go bankrupt!  (Audience boos.)  Yes, I know!  I’m such a lunkhead!  (Audience applauds.)  I’m a dolt!  (Audience applauds more.)  A COMPLETE FUCKING MORON!  (Audience goes into rapture.)  Yeah, thanks a lot.  Anyway, I’d like to introduce a surprise guest (audience ooohs and aaahhhs) — he’s pretty special!  He’s from Detroit!  He’s eccentric!  He’s rough around the edges, like my hair!  (Applause builds.)  You should listen to him — he is one cool dude!  Ladies and gentlemen of Royal Oaks, here is the Kid That Rocks!  (Audience falls silent.)  I said, here is the Kid That Rocks!  (Kid Rock approaches Mitt, shakes hand, whispers in his ear.)  Oh, I’m sorry.  That’s Kid Rock!  (Audience bursts into wild applause.)  Thanks for being here today, really.  (Doesn’t let go of Kid Rock’s hands.)  Hey, can you say a few bad things about Rick Santorum for me?  Like some really bad stuff, like call him a dickhead or something.  I could really use the help.  I can lend you my Cadillac if you want.  (Laughs nervously.)  Thanks in advance, and hey, what’s that song again where you mash up ‘Sweet Home Alabama’?  Can you play that, but just replace the word ‘Alabama’ with ‘Michigan’?  The audience would really love that.  (Audience boos.)  Oh, fuck.  Is my microphone on again?  Fuck.”

(Photo of GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney welcoming Kid Rock to a rally in Royal Oak, MI via ABC News)

31 notes

  1. zombiesarejerks reblogged this from inothernews and added:
    Why would Mitt Romney shake the hand of a proud drug user, womanizer, and all around lazy bum? I mean, the fucking title...
  2. holdherback reblogged this from inothernews and added:
    Sweet Jesus.
  3. hairtrending reblogged this from inothernews
  4. dangerrevolt reblogged this from quietresonance and added:
    Tardasses in ‘Merica just happen to be running for president. Yeah, that’s cool… Right? -____-
  5. quietresonance reblogged this from inothernews
  6. peachsss said: I actually completely believed that this was a real excerpt until you wrote the word “fucking”. Yep. Mitt Romney is THAT bad…
  7. i-am-lazyrobot reblogged this from inothernews
  8. eclectic-bison said: You have got to be F^cking kidding right?!?!?
  9. inothernews posted this
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