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The facts of the coming election are [that] Democrats have real accomplishments to run on, like preventing a Depression and forcing insurance companies to cover pre-existing conditions. Like stopping the banks from being the useless middlemen on student loans and lowering taxes for non-rich people. Obama has passed a Credit Card Bill of Rights, he re-started stem cell research, got our ass out of Iraq, and signed a nuclear treaty with Russia - not to mention the intangible of having a president who can pronounce ‘nuclear.’

Why can’t the Democrats get props for what they’ve achieved? Oh, I know, I know - Obama’s black: he’s used to being denied credit. [Turns to Cornel West.] That’s for you. [Both laugh.]

And there’s nothing wrong with being hard on him. He is the president, it’s our job to keep him honest. But when it comes to voting, when we only have two choices, you gotta grow up and realize there’s a big difference between a disappointing friend and a deadly enemy.

Of course the Democrats are disappointing - that’s what makes them Democrats! If they were any more frustrating, they’d be your relatives! But in this country, they’re all that stands between you and darkest night. You know why their symbol is the letter ‘D’? Because it’s a grade that means ‘good enough, but just barely.’ You know why the Republican symbol is ‘R’? Because it’s the noise a pirate when he robs you and feeds you to a shark.

— BILL MAHER, Real Time